I hate it when I’m writing in my diary and someone from my family walks in on me writing in it. Which means I have to stop what I’m doing and leave it for another day.
I hate college more than ever (so many rumours going around about me and getting called names) and my family life is shit, again. Especially when right this moment I can hear is stupid voice through the wall while I’m trying to watch my favourite film. My old music teacher reminded me how many months I have left living here, without her to guide me, I most probably wouldn’t be here today, typing this post. I just have to think positively for the next 5 months!
I hate how you say I don’t talk to you anymore, yet you never talk to me. I hate how you try and invade my thoughts by asking me what I’m thinking. I would never do that to you.
I went to see my dad in hospital today. It was nice to get to see him seeing as I haven’t seen him since Sunday evening. With him gone it’s made me realise how much I’m actually missing him and seeing how my life would be without him here.
I know for a fact that my mum will always be on ‘his’ side. Yes my dad will agree with whatever my mum says, but my dad will always deep down believe in me and my sister. It’s quite obvious that I love my dad much more than my mum, but isn’t that natural? Daughters are always closer to the fathers and sons are always closer to their mothers.
Growing up I always wanted that best friend relationship with my mother. Turns out things don’t work out like that. Instead I’ve become closer with people who are older than me, but I never really get to see them and I miss chatting to these people. It’s just hard that I don’t really get on with my mum, but you can’t always get what you want in life :(
i’m beginning to notice how alone i’m getting.
how lonely i’m feeling.
how there is no one around me. just my thoughts.
i really don’t know what i should be thinking right now.
what i should be doing.
things are getting hard again.
i don’t want it to. but it is.
and i can’t stop it.
it’s out of my control.
things have got too far before. and i’m scared it will happen again.
i’m just alone.
me. myself. and i.