"   You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be — white dress, prince charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa clause, the tooth fairy, prince charming — they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true.   "

Monday 11th March 2013

I hate it when I’m writing in my diary and someone from my family walks in on me writing in it. Which means I have to stop what I’m doing and leave it for another day.

I hate college more than ever (so many rumours going around about me and getting called names) and my family life is shit, again. Especially when right this moment I can hear is stupid voice through the wall while I’m trying to watch my favourite film. My old music teacher reminded me how many months I have left living here, without her to guide me, I most probably wouldn’t be here today, typing this post. I just have to think positively for the next 5 months!

I hate how you say I don’t talk to you anymore, yet you never talk to me. I hate how you try and invade my thoughts by asking me what I’m thinking. I would never do that to you.

Tuesday 29th January

I went to see my dad in hospital today. It was nice to get to see him seeing as I haven’t seen him since Sunday evening. With him gone it’s made me realise how much I’m actually missing him and seeing how my life would be without him here.

I know for a fact that my mum will always be on ‘his’ side. Yes my dad will agree with whatever my mum says, but my dad will always deep down believe in me and my sister. It’s quite obvious that I love my dad much more than my mum, but isn’t that natural? Daughters are always closer to the fathers and sons are always closer to their mothers.

Growing up I always wanted that best friend relationship with my mother. Turns out things don’t work out like that. Instead I’ve become closer with people who are older than me, but I never really get to see them and I miss chatting to these people. It’s just hard that I don’t really get on with my mum, but you can’t always get what you want in life :(

"   A lot of people hate me now. I kind of hate me too.   "

"   Nodbody dies from lack of sex. It’s lack of love we die from   "

i’m beginning to notice how alone i’m getting.

how lonely i’m feeling.

how there is no one around me. just my thoughts.

my imagination.

i really don’t know what i should be thinking right now.

what i should be doing.

things are getting hard again.

i don’t want it to. but it is.

and i can’t stop it.

it’s out of my control.

things have got too far before. and i’m scared it will happen again.

i’m just alone.

me. myself. and i.

"   I’ll be your clown, behind the glass, go ‘head and laugh, ‘cause it’s funny, I would too if I saw me. I’ll be your clown, on your favourite channels, my life’s a circus-circus rounding circles, I’m selling out tonight.   "

"   I won’t give up on us, even if the skies get rough, I’m giving you all my love, I’m still looking up.   "

"   You know, that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and that person. And you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this gift. And you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time.   "